So today is the big day.
Today is the day when a “dentist” goes in, rips open my face, cuts through gums, muscles, bone and removes useless teeth. Some (more) normal people might call this getting your wisdom teeth removed.
With only a few hours to my surgery, here are some of my final thoughts.
1) I’m so excited to be done this freaking surgery. Mostly because I can’t stop watching people cringe their faces when I tell them about it. How do you think this is helpful or supportive?
2) I’ve decided to go with an oral surgeon that also doubles as a plastic surgeon. I’ve made it clear to him several times to stick to the teeth, but if for some reason I wake up looking like Ben Mulroney or Heidi Montag, know that I did not ask for it. And yes, I’ve already asked if he does hair transplants. One thing at a time.
3) I’ve emailed several people asking if they would go in my place. None of them have returned my emails. Please know that your names have been added to a list and you should be expecting smaller than normal Easter gifts. I mean business!
4) If I die, please remember that I want people to twitter the hell out of my funeral. I’ve always been fond of the hashtag #deadblogger. But if you feel like being more creative, I certainly won’t hold it against you….because I’ll be dead.
5) Mostly, to all the people I’ve yelled, cried at and generally been cranky to over the last couple of days. I’m sorry that you aren’t stronger and better people. You can’t start crying when I’m already crying. That doesn’t help anyone. And to the guy whose computer I threw out the window, I do feel bad about that. But it was PC, so I sorta did you a favour!