It’s no secret that you were aÂ disappointmentÂ last year. Â If you were a person, my parents would call you Michael. Â But loving music like we do, Calgarians seem to be ready to give you another chance. Â There is just one problem. Â Everyone seems to think you are coming but no one seems to know for sure. Â You won’t even announce if you are coming to Calgary. Even though you’ve already announced Halifax and Montreal. Â Your acting like you are some big secret festival that people are willing to kill small children to see. Â I get that you are probably trying to build buzz, but so far, it ain’t working.
If you don’t have a virginfest coming, just say it. If you do, but you could only book the Rankin Family, just say it. Â You’ll still see me in the first row. Â But to drag it out like like it’s Donna Martin’s virginity is not cool. Â There are rumors that some of the acts performing are Shania Twain, Green Day, NSYNC and Pearl Jam. Â Okay, I made up NSYNC. Â But it’s more than your doing.
If you are coming, we need to know. Plans must be made. Â Hydration must be done. Â If you not, then break the news to us. Â We are a big city, we can handle. Â Plus we’re drunk for most of July so we probably wouldn’t remember anyway,