>Dear Virginfest,

It’s no secret that you were a disappointment last year.  If you were a person, my parents would call you Michael.  But loving music like we do, Calgarians seem to be ready to give you another chance.  There is just one problem.  Everyone seems to think you are coming but no one seems to know for sure.  You won’t even announce if you are coming to Calgary. Even though you’ve already announced Halifax and Montreal.  Your acting like you are some big secret festival that people are willing to kill small children to see.  I get that you are probably trying to build buzz, but so far, it ain’t working.
If you don’t have a virginfest coming, just say it. If you do, but you could only book the Rankin Family, just say it.  You’ll still see me in the first row.  But to drag it out like like it’s Donna Martin’s virginity is not cool.  There are rumors that some of the acts performing are Shania Twain, Green Day, NSYNC and Pearl Jam.  Okay, I made up NSYNC.  But it’s more than your doing.
If you are coming, we need to know. Plans must be made.  Hydration must be done.  If you not, then break the news to us.  We are a big city, we can handle.  Plus we’re drunk for most of July so we probably wouldn’t remember anyway,

Mike Morrison