>The month of August is a sad one. People begin to realize that Summer is getting ready to wrap up, they are also getting sick of Summer TV repeats and awful reality shows. To make matters worse movie studios have made august a safe haven for crap movies because they no one has any money left over to make any more trips to the cinemas.
This month seems to be particulary bad. There are a few exceptions. This friday welcomes back Jason Bourne in the Bourne Ultimatum. Right now it has an amazing 98% on Rotten Tomatoes so you know its going to be good. I’m also looking forward to Superbad and Hot Rod. Both movies are skewing towards the Napoleon Dynamite crowd. Those who loved that dumb movie will love these dumb movie and I am one those people. Then there is Rob Zombie’s re-telling of Halloween. Cannot.Wait.
But for every good movie comes ten awful ones.
Let’s make a list shall we:
August 3rd:
Underdog I would rather do physical harm to my dog then see this movie. It looks ridiculous. And to think I was actually excited to see this when it was announced last year.
Bratz This movie will make parents wish they had never met let alone consumated and created the child that actually wants to see this. They are dolls, can you make a movie about a doll? Where is Chucky when you need him.
El Cantante Haven’t heard of it? There is a reason for it. Jennifer Lopez teams up with her newest love match for this movie which has been getting awful reviews. Who is her agent? The director of Bratz?
August 10th:
Daddy Day Camp: You know this movie is bad when not even Eddie Murphy would return to this sequel of Daddy Day Care. Then again, maybe he was too busy knocking up a Spice Girl. Cuba Gooding Jr takes Eddie’s role and makes me ask the question: Do they ever take back Oscars?
Rush Hour 3: Did you know Chris Tucker hasn’t done a movie since Rush Hour 2…Six years ago! Listen, I liked these movies as much as the next guy, but enough is enough. I’m sequeled and this one doesn’t even look good. Here is to another 6 years hiatus.
August 17th
The Invasion: Um thanks Nicole, I’ve already seen 20 different versions of the “Body Snatchers” story, I”m so happy there is another one, I certainly felt like until this very day the story hadn’t been told properly. But now with you and Daniel Craig staring in The Invasion I’m sure I won’t have those feelings anymore. Seriously do they not have one single original idea in Hollywood.
August 24th
Mr. Bean’s Holiday: OK, I hate the idea of this. But I have a soft spot for Rowan Aitkenson so I’ll let him be. Also he has announced that this is Mr. Bean’s retirement movie. Go softly into the night Bean, see you in 10 years for the reunion.
Revenge of the Nerds: Another Friday, another remake. The idea of this is kinda cool, but the fact that I didn’t know this movie was even coming out till 2 minutes ago when I looked makes me know that this is a piling piece of crap.
The Nanny Diaries: I saw an add for this movie months ago and I thought it looked like it might be funny. Especially with Scarlott Johanssen and my secret crush Laura Linney. But the fact that it has been moved several times and now has been dumped to the end up august doesn’t bode well!
August 31st:
Balls of Fury: Dodgeball was hilarious. This story of slack ass ping pongers will not be. It’s bad when you don’t even laugh once through the entire preview. It’s worse when the trailer makes you want to gouge your eyes out and then use them as seasoning on your popcorn.
For your vieweing a pleasure: The trailer for the new Halloween. Who is in?
