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Also available on The National Post’s The Ampersand

Imagine for a second that you are Woody Allen. You aren’t much to look at, sometimes probably even mistake you for a homeless person. You make some AMAZING (Annie Hall, Manhattan, Match Point) movies. You make other ones that are pretty weird (actually I’m not going to reference any for fear of wrath incurred by Woody Allen fans). Oh and lets not forget you also had a child with your adopted daughter, while you were married to someone else (Mia Farrow, no less!)

Also take a second to pretend that you were still somehow one of the most respected writer/directors in all the land of Holly. People would kill a Culkin, a Breslin or a Lohan just to be an extra in one of your movies.

Now imagine that you get this weird idea for a movie. Basically you decide that it stars one hot Spanish actor (Javier Bardem) and three of Hollywood’s sexiest starlets (Scarlett Johansson, Patricia Clarkson and movie-killer Penelope Cruz). The movie you want to direct is going to be filmed in Spain, one of the sexiest locals in all of the world. You then decide that the entire movie will seemingly revolve around threesomes and maybe one or two foursomes. You don’t really have a reason for making this movie besides the fact that you want to see all these actors do it while you sit there and film it. What if all this happened and people still adored you because they don’t think you are creepy at all, solely because you are Woody Allen and since we loved you after making babies with your daughter, why wouldn’t we adore you for making a movie only about orgies?

What if the movie was called Vicky Cristina Barcelona and it was going to be released August 15th? If ALL of that were to happen: Would you judge me for being the first in line to see it?


Mike Morrison

One Comment

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