>Also available on The Calgary Herald’s The Q

Today is a day for change, a time for re-invention. Today is the day that we look in deep inside ourselves and realize that we can do better.

You might think that I am talking about the American elections, but actually I’m talking about another really important issue: the comb-over. We have all seen them, we all know someone who has one and yet we are all still too scared to say anything.
Well that changes today.
Dale Hodges is the Ward One Alderman here in Calgary and he has a comb-over. There I said it, it’s out there. The jig is up Dale! You have distractingly obvious comb-over and I can’t take it anymore! So call it a day, call someone you love and ask them to do you a favor and get rid of those long hairs that only sit on one side of your head. You ain’t fooling anyone!
As someone who has been a proud head shaver since his early 20s, I’ve never understood the point of a comb over. Do you really think that you are fooling anyone? Because you are not. And trust me, I know. I remember when I was losing my hair, I used to do everything I possibly could to cover up my baldness. I grew my hair out, I tried making it curlier, I even tried dying it so it was closer to my skin tone. Of course, none of these worked and now when I look at pictures I can’t help but feel a little resentment towards my friends who should have tied me down and shaved it off for me. Instead, I got drunk in a bathroom in Toronto and took the clippers to it in an act of sheer desperation. No pun intended.
Being bald is like having an addiction. The first step is admitting it. Once you realize this, that is when you begin to question yourself. Why me? What could I have done differently? Will my friend go and buy Rogaine for me?
That is why I can’t help but feel bad for Dale Hodges, who is obviously lacking either the confidence or support in his life to finally be done with the few hairs that flow across the top of his head. Perhaps he should talk to fellow alderman Gord Lowe, Ric McIver and Bob Hawkesworth who have obviously come to terms with the death of their hair follicles. Maybe they should start a support group? Maybe Alderman John Marr could lend them some of his flowing lochs?
Either way I think it’s time for Dale Hodges to admit what we have all known and secretly made fun of for many years, your secret is out, you are bald. Welcome to the club.

Mike Morrison


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