>Alright, here’s the embarrasing story.

I live a pretty tame life. I do lot’s of exciting things, but they are always planned and well orchestrated. I’m about as spontaneous as a giant sea turtle.

Lately I have become increasingly annoyed with my safe and well thought out lifestyle. I’ve been telling myself to be more daring and exciting. Apart from last week when I didn’t shower for two days, my personal challenge hadn’t been going well.

Well last night at the Killer’s concert I decided enough was enough and challenged myself to be daring. Thanks to my friend Matt we had great seats that were just below the box seats. Which means we had fairly access to them. During my quick jaunt to the bathroom I passed a box that was full of crazy partiers. I decided that this would be my daring moment. I scooted into the room and tried to blend in. The Killers playing in the background set the party mood perfectly and I started chatting with people. After a couple of awkward minutes of conversation I noticed an unguarded table with dozens of cans of beer.

Now maybe it was because there was so much “pot” being smoked in the Stadium that I, by no fault of my own, became dizzingly high, but I wanted that beer. Not necessarily the beer itself, but I wanted to steal that beer.

I wrapped up my conversation and made my way towards the door. On my way my body leaned ever so slightly to grab a can….SUCCESS. The can was in my possession! Just as I was about to leave the box, a man shouted, “Hey, YOU!”

I turned around ever so slightly. The dialogue went as follows:

You stealing a beer?” Shouted the stalky middle aged mine

Ummm” realizing I was screwed “yes?”

You can’t steal a can of beer!”

oh I know…oh gosh, I’m so so so sorry, I just…..”

No dude, you can’t steal beer from a can, you need to put it in a glass!” As he smacked me in the back of the head.

Oh I’m sorry, I’m from the maritimes.” I don’t how that was going to help.

Obviously you are from the maritimes, I knew that the second you tried to steal my beer.” He hits me again.

Sir, I’m sooo sorry, here, I’ll put it back.”

No your not putting it back, hold on, i’ll get you a glass” He starts looking around

No no no, really I’m fine. I was just….”

Hey! Stop whining I’m getting you free beer” And yet another smack.

Oh, right. I’m sorry.”

He disappears for a couple of seconds. Before returning with a plastic cup.

Here take this, I don’t want you to get in trouble for having a can” My head is actually getting sore from the repeated hits.

Are you sure…man, I feel so stupid!”

You should, you tried to steal a Coors-Light.!” One last smack, for good measure.

yeah…thank you…and sorry

I slunked away. Feeling lower than low. But at the same time a little bit of a rush. I, for the first time in my life, felt like a real bad ass. Some would say, a resident bad ass! Sure I only tried to steal a can of beer and ended up getting horribly caught, but still. Relatively, for me, I was a bad ass.
I ended up giving my beer to my friend. I had worked hard for it, but frankly my head hurt way to much to start drinking any more.

Mike Morrison