I’ve mentioned a couple times that next month I’ll be heading to Halifax to be a groomsmen for my Ollie. This will be my very first time being in a wedding party and since I wanted to get married as much as I want to a small hole with Rachel Ray, I’ve decided that I should take advantage of this opportunity to be a part of such an important event…for them!

Since two of his Groomsmen live here in Calgary (Chris and I), Ollie and his other groomsperson Heather came out last week for what has already been an 8 day Bachelor Party. Events so far have included rock climbing, white water rafting, checking out the Calgary stampede and Chuck Wagon races, “some drinking” and that was all just leading to last night with the Bachelor Party finally peaked with a night that none of will soon forget, well at least the parts we remember.

The night started actually during the day. We hired a private Chef to come to Chris’ house and show us how to good the perfect romantic meal. The food was very sensual and best enjoyed with your fingers. The aphrodesiac food was a perfect way to mood us in the mood to head of to…um…the Speakeasy. You know…the peelers. Oh come on, don’t make me say it….The STRIPPERS!

Now my experience with strip clubs is very limited. Once we went to the one in Fredericton where the stripper suffered an injury mid-dance and we actually had to ask her to stop dancing because he bleeding leg just wasn’t doing it. The other times were with my friend Jessica as we drove across the country, however I am invoking the “What happens in Thunder Bay, stays in Thunder Bay” rule.

The thing about Calgary strippers is that their actual “show” is really short. Honestly its just a little dancing and then they start what couple be the most degrading way to get money possibly on earth. The girls, once their clothes has “fallen” off, sit on a blanket in front of the patrons sitting close to the stage and then place loonies on certain parts of their body that would not be appropriate to talk about on this blog. Anywhoo, the trick is to in theory throw loonies and the loonie placed on her body and then if you do you get a prize. Kinda like the games you play at the local fair, just like that.

Because it was Ollie’s Bacehlor Party we had amassed a huge amount of loonies for him to enjoy. Because finally realizing exactly why your mom says “don’t put money in your mouth” it was not very exciting to watch. I mean, are Calgary so cheap that we don’t even throw bills? And wouldn’t loonies hurt?

Anyway, my friends thought it would be fun for me to play, I on the other hand had just had enough Heineken to not feel super awkward to play, although to be honest, I did apoligize everytime I threw a loonie at her. Oh, and I won a magnet!

Next up was Calgary’s biggest Cowboy bar (especially during Stampede) Ranchmans. Of course, because we are all from the east coast we couldn’t wear Cowboy gear, no we had to wear Sailor outfits. All 7 of us! I was honestly terrified cause I thought we would get our assess kicked, but people really loved it. People were talking to us all night and then we had a blast riding the mechanical bull!

The night finally end up at the Atlantic Trap and Gill (site of my 25th brithday!) It was a great end to my first Bachelor Party. I don’t know, maybe it was the sailor outfits, but I even met a nice girl but it was really weird. Actual quote: “I know I’m married, but I’m new here and just want to meet some new friends.” So great I got a married woman’s phone number. I know how to get ’em!

Saturday is the day for recovery and then we are off to go floating down the Elbow tomorrow. It’s going to be great! Can’t wait for Halifax! Although, I think my stomach wouldn’t mind waiting a little longer!

Mike Morrison