Growing up, I always wanted to go to Degrassi.  It didn’t matter if it was the Junior high or high school, I wanted in.  Truthfully, I always kinda resented my parents for not enrolling me in what has always been Canada’s coolest school.

So just in time for the tenth season premiere of Degrassi, I decided to take some initiave and enroll myself.  I know what you are thinking: “Hey Mike, aren’t you 28 years old?That’s super creepy.”  To which I politely respond: “It wasn’t creepy Drew Barrymore did it, so why can’t I?”

So I hopped on a plane, flew to Toronto and immediately found out where the kids of Degrassi go to school.  Turns out, it is just on the edge of the Toronto/Scarborough border, how quaint.

When I talked to the main office about registering at the school, they didn’t seem to mind, although they did say that I would have to audition. I thought this was weird, but I struck my best pose and earned my hall pass to Degrassi!

If I wanted to fit in with anyone at Degrassi, I knew I needed to be friends with the most popular girl in the school! So I went to the computer lab and tracked down Alli(Melinda Shankar).  I immediately felt over dressed, but she was still super cool and she said she’d be my friend and offered to show me around.

She immediately took me to the cafeteria.  Nothing against the people that worked there, but the food tasted like plastic and the milk tasted like it was ten years old! No wonder all those Degrassi kids are so skinny.

During our of the school, Alli introdced me to some of her friends.  They were all really cool and none of them noticed that I was more than tens years older than them.  I knew after that we would be life long friends.  My new besties from left to right are: Drew (Luke Bilyk), Ali, Claire, (Aislinn Paul) Eli (Munro Chambers) and Fitz (James Edward Campbell) Although, I don’t think Eli and Fitz really got along.  You know boys and all their drama. Who can keep track?
Next was Math class, but I think Alli knew I wasn’t very good at math, so we cut class and decided to go for a walk.  Turns out the entire city of Toronto is only one block  wide and is pretty much attached to the school!  Who knew?!  We kept trying to go into the stores, but they were all closed. We did walk by Spinner’s car, but he was nowhere to be found!

After our walk, I was getting pretty tired.  We decided to swing by Fiona’s penthouse but she wasn’t there.   Alli said it didn’t matter, and we went in anyway.  It was huge!  We went through her clothes and even had time for a quick nap. When we woke up, it was time for the big school dance.  I thought it was weird that Degrassi seemed to have a dance almost every week, but Alli told me to just “go with it,” so I did.

When we got back to the school the dance was in full swing, but (as always) things to went from good to bad FAST!  I’m not allowed talking about it, but it was actually really scary and  they had to call the cops and everything! (Spoiler:  Yes, this was the “biggest event in Degrassi history!”

I quickly realized I wasn’t cut out for Degrassi!  There was just too much drama and even though I had only been there a couple of hours, I already felt an eating disorder coming on. It was all just too stressful.  Plus some of kids started teasing me for being bald, so I withdrew from Degrassi and got myself a part time job at the Dot.  After Emma had burnt it down,they were looking for new employees. Sure it isn’t the same as going to Degrassi, but I get to see my friends all the time and I could eat as much biscotti as I wanted!

In the end, I quit my job at the Dot and returned back to Calgary.  I decided that I would much rather just watch them on TV.

Degrassi premieres Monday night on MuchMusic!
Follow Melinda Shankar on Twitter!


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Mike Morrison

8 Comments

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