>Last night, at a screening of Friday the 13th, I came to a troubling conclusion.

At 26 (almost 27), I am too old for scary movies.

Seriously, I used to be able to sit through anything and my most recent experience was just awful. Not only am I referring to the movie which, yes was very awful, I’m talking about barely even being able to make it through it. Sure I was laughing off the stupidity of the entire film off with my friend, but deep down I was t.e.r.r.i.f.i.e.d. Ugh, I just can’t handle being that scared anymore. I think it might have to do with the fact that even looking at my VISA bill scares me right now.

I’ve even adapted annoying old people habits. I try to leave as soon as the theatre gets dark, I always wear hoodies at screenings so I can pull it over my head and I take frequent bathroom breaks just to get my blood pressure back to normal. Of course none of this was helped by the fact that the guy that ripped our ticket told us to “enjoy the movie” in a disturbingly ominous tone of voice. Oh yeah, did I mention that scary movies have made me paranoid?

So this is old age. Next thing you know I’ll think Charlie Sheen is funny?

Mike Morrison


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