New CTV shows: What You Need To Know

Regardless, CTV just announced the line up for their specialty stations and rather than bore you with the “best season ever!” and “most exciting new premiere” lies, I thought I would just break it down for you.  nice and simple like.

TSN– Is Canada’s #1 specialty network for all key demos.  Not surprising, they are just going to keep playing a bunch of sport shows.  When oh when TSN will you get into the reality show forey.  A possible suggestion:  Who Is Sleeping With Elisha Cuthbert?

The Discovery Channel has ironically discovered a new reality series and called it JUNK RAIDERS.  I’m guessing this is about people raid junk for stuff.  They passed on the original name, YARD SALERS. to its lineup. Of course, CANADA’S WORST DRIVER is returning for a new season.  Which means twelve less people who don’t know how to merge will be driving. 

SPACE continues to be the spot for virgins who loves things in space.  Both STARGATE UNIVERSE, and CAPRICA, the highly-anticipated prequel to BATTLESTAR GALACTICA will begin episodes in the fall. 

 The Comedy Network is adding more weight than Kirstie Alley.  They’ll be adding five new series to its “laugh-out-loud schedule.”  Their words, not mine. The shows include the classic-style situation comedy LUCKY LOUIE; Chris Lilley’s (SUMMER HIGHTS HIGH) original mockumentary series WE CAN BE HEROES; MICHAEL AND MICHAEL HAVE ISSUES ( I know this already, did they have to make a show about it); SECRET GIRLFRIEND, a scripted half-hour show based on a successful Web series, and the critically acclaimed veteran ratings leader MY NAME IS EARL.  Which is awkward because NBC just cancelled this once funny show.  

Bravo! is going to show a bunch of ballet dancers and pretentious authors.  Oh and they’ll keep airing Desperate Housewives repeats.  

MuchMusic, MTV, MTV2, and MuchMoreMusic will continue to ignore my desperate pleas for a job or air time, instead offering up “the coolest music, reality, and pop-culture programming” for the highly sought-after A12-34 and A18-49.  Shows like MAKING HIS BAND, STARMAKER, HAMMERTIME, OVER THE BOLTS and several new Canadian original series with ties to the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Winter Games. Two promising shows are PEAK SEASON which takes an unfiltered look at the lives, loves and true-life drama of a group of 20-somethings living in the winter playground of Whistler, BC. In THE BURIED LIFE, four Canadians travel the globe to complete a list of “100 Things To Do Before You Die”.    Uhhh how the fuck did I miss that casting call?

FashionTelevision will have the Ashton Kutcher-produced THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE to its Fall slate.    BNN will continue to be boring.   

CP24 is only available in Toronto, so it doesn’t really matter. 

 CTV News Channel will continue to air….wait for it….the news. 

 Star! will continue to hurt mine and your soul with it’s two-hour block of EXTRA joins ETALK, ACCESS HOLLYWOOD, and TMZ.  There, now aren’t you glad you didn’t have to wade through the longest press release ever!