Only a couple of hours remain until the release of seventh and final Harry Potter book. Maybe you’ve heard of this little book that could. If not, here is a refresher: The previous six in the series have so far sold over 325 million copies and have been translated into over 65 languages! (I didn’t even know there were 65 languages!) The seventh book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, will have a record breaking 12 million copy first run. If you count the successful movies, video games and thousands of other products the entire Harry Potter world is worth an estimated and staggering 4 billion dollars!

But here is my problem with Harry Potter. The books are too freaking long. And in case you haven’t noticed this world is now full of freak kids who can read them in a day or less. I mean really? Who reads a book in a day? And this isn’t Goosebumps were talking about people, these books are huge! I think the last one was like 22,000 pages or something crazy like that.

Unfortunately for me, I read about as fast as Ralph Klein takes to sober up. So I’m asking all you crazy people who don’t fall asleep when reading the first two pages of a chapter to be patient. Don’t be blabbing about who gets killed and who doesn’t while you are riding the C-Train. Remember, The C-Train rides are an excellent time to eavesdrop on people’s cell phone conversations, not talk about Harry’s last adventure.

However, if you feel the need to read it so quickly you must understand that there is an entire generation, myself included, who, because TV has destroyed their attention span, will take months if not years to finish the book.

Also what you probably don’t realize is that the good thing about not having an attention span is that while everyone else is done reading the last book, I’ll be able to saviour it for at least 3 seasons to come. While you be trying to find another book to read, yeah good luck with that suckers!

So if you are going to be standing in Chapters for hours waiting for the book to be released please realize these two important things.
1)Why are you standing in line? I’m going to walk in Sunday afternoon and buy the same book you are. Hello, there are at 12 million copies out there, I don’t think they are going to run out.
2) And like my mom always said while sitting at the dinner table: Keep. Your. Mouth. Shut.

Mike Morrison