It has been way to long. But I’m so pleased to announce that the Jack Bauer and Simon Cowell conversations are finally back! Nope this year there is no writer strikes and it seems like Paula have appropriately filled her perscriptionsssssssss..
Let’s listen in:
Jack: Simon! It’s Jack.
Simon: Oh hello Jack, I know it’s you, I have caller ID. How ha…
Jack: No time. We are running out of time. Your shows rating are in the shitter.
Simon: Oh this is awkward….you know about that?
Jack: Yeah, I’m CTU. I know everything.
Simon: Are you? Do you? Didn’t you get fired from there?
Jack: Yeah like twelve times.
Jack: So what are we going to do to save American Idol?
Simon: Oh no were okay, we have a plan in place. Don’t you have other things to worry about?
Jack: Nah, not really. I’ve pretty much saved everything there is to save. I’m even saving people who have already died this year.
Simon: Who? Paula Abdul?
Jack: No Tony Almeida. Wait Paula Abdul is dead?
Simon: Yeah, she died three years ago.
Jack: Wow! She still looks alive. How did you…
Simon: Did you ever see Weekend At Bernies?
Simon: It’s like that, only with Tylenol 3 and helium.
Jack: And what about Randy?
Simon: Oh no that guy is still alive.
Jack: Really? Because I can take care of that for you.
Simon: Nah. I’m good. But maybe Seacrest.
Jack: Can’t. He is protected by the UN. Actually he owns 10%.
Simon: What? Really?
Jack: Yeah, how do you think that he gets his teeth that white?
Simon: I don’t want to know.
Jack: Neither did I.