>Dear Howie Mandel:
First off, thanks for taking the time to read my letter. I know you are busy guy lately, what with you working upwards to three hours a week now. I’m sorry to start this letter off with such a harsh tone, but I’m not going to lie to you Howie, I’m upset. Quite upset actually. It was announced today that Deal or No Deal Canada has started filming. I don’t know if you remember but back when you were accepting applications I sent mine in. I spent many hours perfecting, crafting if you may, the perfect application. It was pleasant, without being boring. It was funny without being scary, and it was sappy without being overly dramatic. I did every thing right, but your producers came right through my city without even a phone call. To add insult to injury, you held the auditions for the succesful applicants at the location of my part time job! Come on Howie a little respect.
Well with filming finally on it’s way, its safe to say that I will not be a contestant on the special 5 day episodes of the wildly popular now-canadian game show. And really, its your loss. I would have been a great contestant. First off, there’d be no shaking of hands, I know your fear of germs, and I would respect that with a steller knuckle knock. It would have been cool. Secondly, I wouldn’t have brought up our obvious simalar hair styles, or lack there of. That’s obvious Howie, and we both know that neither of us like to be obvious in our sense of humor. Thirdly, I wouldn’t be one of those crazy Deal or No Deal contestants, that obsessed with Grease, or make you lie on the ground so the case they open would be low. I’m not crazy Howie. I’m not. I would have been fun, I may have even referenced Bobby’s World (which I watched well into my teenage years), we would have bantered about my family and talked about the East Coast. I would even made a joke along the lines of: “When I win, I’m taking a trip to St. Elsewhere.” It would have been gold. But you’ll never know that now. I will Howie. I will.
In closing, I wish you the best of luck on your Canadian adventures, you are certainly always welcome home. Not in my home mind you, but your own home. I’m sorry that we won’t get the chance to meet up, and please tell the Deal or No Deal girls I say hello. Oh by the way, my mom finds the girls involvement in the show racist. I’m pretty sure she means sexist, but you get the point. I’ve decided not to take this rejection too personally, I mean it just gives me more time to work my application for Bumper Stumpers.
Oh, and I would have picked case #15.