>The day after I posted about Can’t Hardly Wait, a movie that brought on a flurry of high school memories, I was again attacked by further high school flashbacks, these ones however were not the good kind.

So I’ve made no quams about my lack of like of children. The way they are always….you know…just there. No matter where you go. I was hesitant when I signed up for Rapunzel, it being a play for 3-6 year olds. Would they behave? Could they sit through an entire hour? What if one of them tried to touch me? It was all a little too much. But I got over it, and for the past two weeks I have actually been having a good time with “the children”, they actually can be quite funny. But just as I began to let my guard down about the little snot rags, I was quickly brought back to reality. During the show, I’m supposed to be scared of a ghost, the kids usually think this is funny, but yesterday this little group of boys, we’ll call them “The Outsiders”, began calling me a Scaredy Cat. Harmless fun I thought, no biggie. The next scene that I was in, The Outsiders had grown stronger and the cat calling continued, only it climaxed in a kid calling me “a loser“! What?! Did this kid just call me a loser? I mean, it’s true, but how does he know? I mean for a fact that is. I tried to hide my surprise, but I’m pretty sure some parents were equally caught of guard. Had this little kid, no older than 4, just called me a loser?

For the rest of the play, the cat calling continued, but I quickly teased them in my sly little way and moved on. I kept telling myself: “Save it for the therapist Michael.” After the play, we stay in character and talk to the little kids and sign autographs, during this time, Ponyboy came up to me and said he was sorry for being rude. “That’s Ok“, I said “You were really just being silly!” I got his parent’s number and I will be sending them this weeks extra therapy bill. I come to find out later from another actor that he also at one point called me a Jackass. Seriously, where is this kid from? Alberta? Oh wait. he is. Never mind.

Which brings me to the next point….

Last night my friends and I finally saw Pan’s Labrynth, if you remember last time we had to leave because of the fire alarm. So there we are sitting watching the movie, and as it was getting close to the scene that we had to leave the last time, I heard a voice. I zeroed in on the voice and realized it was someone reading the subtitles to someone else! (Yes people this movie is in Spanish!) I stared at them for a while. Surely this was a joke, this couldn’t actually be happening, but it was. After about 10 minutes of it, I went over to talk to Mrs. Loudreader. It was indeed a mother, with TWO little kids under the age of 7. Let me preface this next point by reminding everyone that Pan’s Labrynth is not for those with weak stomachs, there is a scene in the first 10 minutes that I couldn’t watch, the first or second time. There are some gross and scary scenes in the movie! So, I asked the mom if she could, oh I don’t know, NOT READ TO YOUR CHILDREN IN THE MOVIE. From the looks of it, I should have been impressed that she was reading to her kids at all, but a movie is neither the time or place. She said she didn’t realize it was in Spanish and that she’ll try to be quiet. I thought to myself “Isn’t there Herby movie playing? Surely Martin Lawrence is dressed in some ridiculous costume and that your kids would much rather see that then this dark tragic movie.” But they stayed for the entire movie, so on the way out, I gave her kids my therapist business card and we are going to arrange a joint session next week.

Parents, to review:
-Kids should not call grown ups losers and jackasses unless they really are. (Tom Cruise)
-Kids should not see violent movies.
-Maybe Children of Men was onto something.

Thank you, enjoy your monday!


Mike Morrison