>***warning this post is not for young children***

Dear Bryan Adams,

We’ve been friends for a while. As far as I can remember actually, I’ve rocked out to your songs in my car, bought a couple of your CDs and once, in grade 6, I requested “Everything I do I do it for you” on the local radio station.

All this being said, I can’t help but tell you something. I think we need a break. After what I heard on the radio yesterday, I feel that I can no longer be friends with someone as heartless as you.

Please note the following lyrics of your song “Paradise“:

This side of paradise. There ain’t no crystal ball –
there ain’t no santa claus.
There ain’t no fairy tales. There ain’t no streets of gold.
There ain’t no chosen few – ya it’s just me and you.

As an uncle of perhaps the two cutest kids on this earth I feel distraught that you feel it is your right to inform the world of the certain secret ruined on the above lyrics. You are a secret ruiner Bryan Adams, A SECRET RUINER. Although I’m convinced that my nephew has figured out the truth several years ago and is simply going along with it because I think he thinks that we still believe, my niece is still young and impressionable.

I’m a forgiving person, Bryan, I am. But I don’t know how to forgive someone for such actions such as yours. The only thing I can figure out that will make me feel better is posting a picture of a Bryan Adams lookalike. You mug is not worthy of being on my page, so celebrity lookalike Alan Cox will have to do.

Please stop calling, texting and showing up on my radio. It’s too hard. I can only hope that Mel. C can forgive you, because I don’t know if I can.

Your former friend,

Bryan Adams Lookalike Alan Cox

Mike Morrison