>So a couple of days ago I submitted my application to Beautiful People.net.

I don’t know what I found more upsetting: How long it took me to find a picture that I thought would actually get me voted in or the fact that I was even submitting my profile in the first place. But it was for research purposes and of course by research I mean curiosity.
Well things went from bad to worse yesterday when they emailed me and said I wasn’t approved to be one of the beautiful people.
Actually what they said was:

“Your application to BeautifulPeople Network was not successful, the members of BP did not find your profile attractive enough this time round. Please note, that only one in five applicants are currently making it into BeautifulPeople Network. You are more than welcome to try again, perhaps with a better picture or more interesting profile text. We wish you every success.”

Every success?!?! What the hell does that even mean? Do they mean in life? Are they saying that because I’m not beautiful that I actually need them to wish things upon me? Because I don’t. Okay, while it would have been nice to have finally gotten the approval of those who spend hours a day in the bathroom, I realize now it was simply not meant to be.

And I wasn’t going to bring this up at first, but I’ve got nothing to hide.  Do you wanna know what my score was?  A Zero. 0. Zip. Nothing.  I mean really?  Is that even fair?  Surely I’m at least more attractive than a homeless person or most transvestites?  Right?  RIGHT?!?!
Phew. Deep breath.

So BeautifulPeople.net now joins the ranks of other clubs that I wanted to get into but couldn’t. They include:
-High School Student Union
-University Student Union
-Mile High Club
-The “I’ve Been on a Canadian Reality Show” club.
-Hair Club for Men….actually wait. I CAN join that one. I just got that!

Oh well.  Who needs that stupid social website anyway.  Now where did I put that un-opened bottle of tequila.

Mike Morrison