It was around 11pm last night that I heard the terrible news. Santa Clause would not be coming to Calgary this year, well he would be, but we just wouldn’t be giving in the parade that he so rightly deserves. It was announced yesterday that because of the downtown construction that is currently plaguing our city the parade, that was attended by more than 60,000 people last year, would be cancelled.

The city’s main issue with the parade is that it normally runs down 6th ave, which, in case you live under a rock and haven’t heard, is closed due to the construction of The Bow. Now I am not apart of any planning committee, but doesn’t it seem like common sense to…oh I don’t know….move the Parade. Does it have to go down 6th Ave? Last I checked there was more than one avenue downtown and I’m pretty sure that something could have been arranged.

The other option would be to move it out of downtown. Why not spice up the parade by moving it to Mission, Kensington or Inglewood. Heck us Missionites (Missionaries?) already deal with the Lilac festival and that is 100,000 people, 60,000 seem like childs play.

But fear not children, the city is not going to leave you completely out to dry. Instead of a parade that literally every city in the world is capable of holding except for ours, we will be having a Christmas party in Olympic Plaza. You know the ones that all the bums (domestically disadvantaged-thanks Erin) hang out it? That’s the Christmas Sprit! How does that poem go again: Used needles hung by the chimney with care?

If that wasn’t scary enough the city will also be inflicting the Young Canadians on us. I thought these kids were shipped in especially and thankfully only for Calgary Stampede, you mean they live here year round? I’m going to start locking my doors more.

Its funny isn’t it? Santa can fly all around the world in one night and the city still can’t help him get around 6th Ave. This is going to be a long 3 and half years.

Mike Morrison