>Dear Random Child,

I wanted to thank you for pointing out to everyone in Ikea today that I am indeed bald. I really felt like I was fooling everyone until you reminded them by announcing “Hey Mom, that guy has no hair!”

I am quite confident in my looks, but I found out today that it only takes a group of 20 people or so to stop, turn around, look at me and chuckle to make me feel like a small small man.

I also wanted to remind you that your hair is stupid looking and say that at least my mom isn’t still trying to figure out who my father is.

That is all,


PS. Your mom wears too much makeup.

Also, to the random guy who bought me a drink on Friday night cause you believed me when I said I was recovering from Cancer after you too pointed out I was bald, thanks for the drink, oh and I have a beard genius.

Mike Morrison