I’ve always been a firm believer in the fact you can never stop learning. No matter how smart you are, no matter many degrees you have, there is always something you don’t know or something that will surprise you.

This happened to me this weekend and felt that I might share my new knowledge with so you all can continue on with all the learning.

Most of us by now have seen the Malt Teasers commercial. It is pretty much the most annoying thing ever created. It doesn’t make sense and I’m pretty sure in alluding to Oral Sex. Never the less, ever since I saw this commercial I have been craving them. Actually, truth be told I have been craving Whoppers, and since I couldn’t find them anywhere I decided to settle with Malt Teasers.

This is where the learning started: I eagerly opened my package of Malt teasers and was shocked and slightly upset to discover that not only were malt teasers not the same as Whoppers but they were pretty much the grossest thing ever made. Were talking parsnips gross. I wasn’t happy.

To further rub it in, ever since eating this gross “treat”, it’s commercial seemed to be everywhere. The Malt teasers were openingly mocking me. Sorta like High School, but I was out $4.

Luckily enough this weekend, while celebrating the arrival of my friend Jeremy to Calgary I discovered a bag of Whoppers at my local pharmacy. My excitement was barely containable. My friends were confused by my excitement. To them not only where Malt Teasers and Whoppers the same thing, but even if they weren’t., they didn’t think it deserved me doing the running man in the pharmacy’s aisle.

To make an already long story short. We quickly returned to the apartment and had a taste test. I don’t need to tell you that Whoppers kicked ass, but I will: Whoppers kicked the Malt Teasers ass.

So what was the lesson learned? Whoppers are cool, Malt teasers are gross. Consider yourself learned. You are welcome.

Mike Morrison

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