Anti-Christmas Gift #5: Beard Head

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So here is a Christmas gift idea:


That’s a Christmas gift right? I mean, I think it is. It is called the Beard Head: Viking Edition and right now you can pick it up for $29,99. If the viking thing isn’t really your cup of tea, you can pick up the Grandpa, The Lumberjack, the Pirate and even the Bunny.

I think I’m going to wait for the wizard.

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Anti-Christmas Gift #4: Revenge Rap

>Here is another entry in the every popular Anti-Christmas Series:

With just over a month until Christmas, this is the time people start panicking over getting gifts for the people they love.
But what about the people we hate?
Yes, I buy gifts for people I hate. I like to follow the “kill them with kindness.” philosophy. Sometimes these gifts are quality (so they’ll feel bad), other times they are crap to annoying them (because that makes me feel good.)
But usually buying gifts for people you hate, is a lot harder than you might think!
No so much this year.
All you need to do is call Rap Master Maurice.
For a very economical $7, he will call the person who has pissed you off and sing a custom written rap about what a jerk they’ve been!
How amazing is that?!
And it’s not just for people you hate, according to his website he’ll do it for pretty much anything: “BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE? TERRIBLE MEAL AT A RESTAURANT? TIRED OF A WORN OUT RELATIONSHIP? WAYWARD RELATIVE OWES YOU MONEY? UNABLE TO BE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE?” I know I could totally use him for the last one!
You can even buy a CD of 37 of his most extreme revenge tracks! My friend Lindsey heard it on CBC this past weekend and says that it is hilarious!

Here is a very strange/awesome video of Rap Master Maurice!

Merry Christmas?

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Anti-Christmas Gift #3

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Everyone’s favorite blind detective is coming to DVD on November 10!!!!

Um…..why?


UPDATE: She is actually deaf. Which confuses me slightly, but either way. Still weird. Thanks to Lil’ Rachy for the tip!

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The Anti-Christmas List #2

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Here is the second item on my anti-Christmas List.

Yes, that is a jar of tears. Someone in Edmonton is selling it for a steal of a deal of $20. That my friend is what you call a bargain. Which is why I’m torn, I want it because it’s a bargain, but what the hell do a with a jar 3/4 full of tears?

Well apparently, I can use it for many things. According the ad, I can use it for things like personal lubricant, witchcraft, cooking sugar cookies, conversation starting and baking sugar cookies.
The tears are from the seller’s co-worker and they have been collecting them for several months.
What do you think? It’s better definitely better than an American Idol Calendar.
thanks to ian for the tip!

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The Anti-Christmas List #1

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My friends and family hate that I never tell them what I want for Christmas. Instead, I make a secret list and then get mad at them on December 26th for not asking or finding said secret list.
(hint: it’s always in the same place, behind my blu-ray player)
Anyway, I’ve finally decided to make my list public. However, this year it will also feature gifts that I think I would hate, but I actually might like, because I can’t make it too easy. It’s up to you to decide.
Let’s get started.
Remember when CLUE used to be a simple board game? Sure, I was never patient enough to find out who the actual murderer was, but still, it was good times. It’s recently been updated and well, I don’t like to swear, but what the fuck is Clue: Secrets and Spies? Well, whatever the hell it is, it has a trailer and requires you to use your cell phone. Check out the trailer.

What have you done Hasbro, what have you done indeed?
While we are talking about weird updates of the Clue board game, again, what the fuck is this:

An Office Clue Board Game? It’s not really fair because we know that Michael is too stupid to commit murder. And wouldn’t Dwight always end getting murdered?

I thought I hated both of these games almost immediately, but now that I think about it, I think I might love it. How is one to know?
Do you hate or love? Should I ask for it for Christmas?

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