All this week, Mike’s Bloggity Blog will be celebrating Valentine’s Day with a special series called Bloggity Dates. Every day, some of the biggest names in Canadian entertainment will be dropping by to share stories of their best, worst and most embarrassing dates. If I were you, I’d take notes to ensure you have a perfect Valentine’s Day. Just be sure to invite me to the wedding.
(photo via These Kids Wear Crowns)
Josh “Gypsy” McDaniels from These Kids Wear Crowns!
For most, Valentines day is a blood bath of mush and flowers and sweet hot candies that almost resemble cinnamon and are shaped like the organ our bodies use to pump blood at approximately 2.32 Psi. At least, that was the definition i found on wikileaks. For me, well, things were different.
I had been dating my – finger quotes – “highschool sweet heart” for almost a year. I asked her out on her birthday last year (mistake), which then became our anniversary (oops), and was also fondly known to the rest of the world as that precipice of caring that we call Valentines day (uh oh). 3-in-1. Im not even sure if i was the right guy to be handling any one of those. Always the over-achiever, forever a hopeless romantic, and this year being my first ever relevant V-day (as i would come to fondly refer to it in my more jaded years), I had decided to go “all out” as they sometimes say.
My first mistake was the balloons. Did i mention yet that I was young? I was young. There. Anyways, she had always enjoyed cooking; And by always I mean since she was 3. She had told me in passing one day (brownie points for listening) that as a kid she used to put on her own fake cooking shows with empty bowls, pretend cameras and, of course, an in-kitchen studio audience of stuffed everything. Sitting front and centre was her pride and joy, Dr. Bearsworth. I swear they are giving PHD’s out to everyone these days. I digress. Balloons. She loved helium balloons. So: one V-day I blew up her living room, most of her friends and two of her favourite childhood memories.
First, I baked her favourite Strawberry cheesecake in four different stages JUST like they do on the TV shows. Second, I set up all her favourite stuffed everything, invited all our friends, and went through not one but two massive, carnival sized helium tanks making a very low ceiling of floating pink and red death. She was thrilled. She glowed all the way through the front hall and up the stairs in real-life slow motion. I remember it perfectly; she was the most beautiful girl that had ever had valentines day ruined by her significantly well meaning other.
Still in slow motion, I lit the candles. Still in slow motion, the cake(s) looked perfect. People were singing. Still in slow motion, a low-flying balloon filled with helium touched the candles and exploded into one-zillion pieces. Still in slow motion, that balloon lit several other balloons. Everyone continued singing. Still in slow motion, The Good Dr. Bearsworth burst into flames. It was like the silent scene in an action movie where a philharmonic orchestra is playing Agnus Dei. STILL in slow motion, the sprinkler system sprayed dirty, smelly, life-savingly cold water all over the anniversary/valentines/birthday girl, every one of her cakes, her freshly baked bear and all of what used to be ‘our’ friends.
I was young. And I dont regret any of it, not for a single second!
Happy Valentines Day, be careful and LOVE everyone.
These Kids Wear Crowns’ debut full-length album will be released in March!