Mike's Bloggity Blog

>Just wanted to say that there will be no American Idol update today (sorry granny) because I got last minute tickets to the Calgary Flames! For anyone that knows me at all knows that i’m oddly competitive. It’s weird cause I’m the least confrontational person ever, but put some dice or a Xbox controller in my hand and the vulgarities that come out would scare Hitler. Or Star Jones. same difference. Anyway, it was a particulary stressful 3rd period with the flames at one point only leading my 1. Then the L.A. kings almost scored and in the heat of the moment I yelled out “Ahhh Shit on my Face!” (Silence) I’ll give you a moment. What?! Who yells that? Especially when you are sitting beside some people you don’t know! It was confusing and stressful. I awkwardly smiled at the girl beside me and I think I whimpered “Go Flames.”

Calgary ended up winning 4-1 but I think I need to take a break from NHL hockey for a while. It’s best for everyone.

>

The newest entry to the Top 25 list is one Molly Rankin. Who is this might you ask? Well she is the daughter of John Morris, the late member of The Rankin Family, who died in 2000. I was super fortunate to see a show from reunion tour a couple weeks back and Molly came out and played a song of her own, which appears on The Rankin’s new CD Reunion. The song is called Sunset and it is my newest addiction. Currently it can be found at the #20 position with 19 plays, but it is moving up quickly. I’m serious here, the other day I went for a walk (yes Erin, I’m 64 years old) and listened to ONLY this song the entire time. I love it! I can definitely see it being played on Veronica Mars or Grey’s Anatomy. I also have a not so secret crush on the 2nd year Dalhousie student, she is pretty freakin’ cute! It’s a shame you can’t buy the song Itunes, but I definitely recommend you buying the CD! It’s worth it to remember all those maritime summers!

>The day after I posted about Can’t Hardly Wait, a movie that brought on a flurry of high school memories, I was again attacked by further high school flashbacks, these ones however were not the good kind.

So I’ve made no quams about my lack of like of children. The way they are always….you know…just there. No matter where you go. I was hesitant when I signed up for Rapunzel, it being a play for 3-6 year olds. Would they behave? Could they sit through an entire hour? What if one of them tried to touch me? It was all a little too much. But I got over it, and for the past two weeks I have actually been having a good time with “the children”, they actually can be quite funny. But just as I began to let my guard down about the little snot rags, I was quickly brought back to reality. During the show, I’m supposed to be scared of a ghost, the kids usually think this is funny, but yesterday this little group of boys, we’ll call them “The Outsiders”, began calling me a Scaredy Cat. Harmless fun I thought, no biggie. The next scene that I was in, The Outsiders had grown stronger and the cat calling continued, only it climaxed in a kid calling me “a loser“! What?! Did this kid just call me a loser? I mean, it’s true, but how does he know? I mean for a fact that is. I tried to hide my surprise, but I’m pretty sure some parents were equally caught of guard. Had this little kid, no older than 4, just called me a loser?

For the rest of the play, the cat calling continued, but I quickly teased them in my sly little way and moved on. I kept telling myself: “Save it for the therapist Michael.” After the play, we stay in character and talk to the little kids and sign autographs, during this time, Ponyboy came up to me and said he was sorry for being rude. “That’s Ok“, I said “You were really just being silly!” I got his parent’s number and I will be sending them this weeks extra therapy bill. I come to find out later from another actor that he also at one point called me a Jackass. Seriously, where is this kid from? Alberta? Oh wait. he is. Never mind.

Which brings me to the next point….

Last night my friends and I finally saw Pan’s Labrynth, if you remember last time we had to leave because of the fire alarm. So there we are sitting watching the movie, and as it was getting close to the scene that we had to leave the last time, I heard a voice. I zeroed in on the voice and realized it was someone reading the subtitles to someone else! (Yes people this movie is in Spanish!) I stared at them for a while. Surely this was a joke, this couldn’t actually be happening, but it was. After about 10 minutes of it, I went over to talk to Mrs. Loudreader. It was indeed a mother, with TWO little kids under the age of 7. Let me preface this next point by reminding everyone that Pan’s Labrynth is not for those with weak stomachs, there is a scene in the first 10 minutes that I couldn’t watch, the first or second time. There are some gross and scary scenes in the movie! So, I asked the mom if she could, oh I don’t know, NOT READ TO YOUR CHILDREN IN THE MOVIE. From the looks of it, I should have been impressed that she was reading to her kids at all, but a movie is neither the time or place. She said she didn’t realize it was in Spanish and that she’ll try to be quiet. I thought to myself “Isn’t there Herby movie playing? Surely Martin Lawrence is dressed in some ridiculous costume and that your kids would much rather see that then this dark tragic movie.” But they stayed for the entire movie, so on the way out, I gave her kids my therapist business card and we are going to arrange a joint session next week.

Parents, to review:
-Kids should not call grown ups losers and jackasses unless they really are. (Tom Cruise)
-Kids should not see violent movies.
-Maybe Children of Men was onto something.

Thank you, enjoy your monday!

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>Wow! Friday is finally here! I wanted to write something witty, funny maybe even charming. But my massive head ache and sore throat are impeding on any of this. So instead i will treat myself to perhaps my favorite Veronica Mars clips ever!

Veronica Goes Canadian!

>9:00 Ian Bernardo. Wow. So American Idol rolled into the Big Apple and got off to the same disasterous it always does. But before that, I need to pick a bone with American Idol. You are the #1 show and North America and you have the worst opening sequence. I’m talking bad. 7th Heaven bad. Please change it. Thank You.

9:10 Luckily , Sarah comes whipping into the room, and lets me forget all about Ian and the awful opening sequence! Oh yeah! I hate when they come through the door with the gold ticket and there is no one there to welcome there! If that was me, I’d pay someone guy like $10 to stand there and pretend their my friend. Not that I’ve done that before…….twice. A-n-y-w-a-y- Oh god she is calling her dad, I can’t listen……….ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Ok. It went ok. I’m glad. I worried there for a little bit! You go Sarah. Je t’aime!

9:25 Ashanti, Ashanti, Ashanti. The only question I have for you is, “How long have you worked on the speech!” She reminds of those times when you want to confront someone and you have this big speech prepared, but when finally it comes down to it, your lucky if drool doesn’t come out of your mouth. But Ashanti nailed it, and at the same time a Daytime Emmy Nomination. Look Out Lucci!

9:35 O.k. so like, one time my best friend and I wore bikinis on the beaches of new jersey and auditioned for American Idol, while thowing beach balls at each other and then we did eachothers hair! But then when the judges like told me I was better, I so kept it to myself, even though it was caught on camera! Oh wait, no my real friend and I went to the movies and then ate ice cream, but it is like totally like the same thing. Totally.

9:37 Oh yes! My favorite game ever is coming up! Boy or Girl! Me and Maury play it ALL. THE. TIME! William is totally a boy. That was easy. Give me another one.

9:48: Last girl of the day! here we go! Oh actually I got distracted by facebook and missed her audition, but now she is like every other girl that meets Ryan Seacrest, on the ground crying.

Day 1 Done. Come on New York, I feel like we still haven’t seen our STAR!
Oh while I was waiting for Day 2, I went and checked out my Hot or Not rating…..7 sweet. thanks granny!

9:57: Henry proves the theory I’ve always thought, Americans look waaaaaaaaaay older than Canadians! 16 years old! What?! Check his passport, I think he’s pulling a Beyonce! Plus it’s fun watching Paula not trying to jump him. Sit down Paula, learn you lesson.

10:00 Nakia’s Daily Lesson: If you don’t want people to think your crazy, then don’t be crazy. Sound advice you gold ticket holding psycho! (oh they took the ticket away from here. that’s harsh). Oh and the bitch ealier already stole your daytime emmy.

10:05pm “Even if I don’t sing, I can become an American Idol.” Oh my god people, there is only one daytime emmy to go around!

10:15pm A canadian singer singing Tina Arena’s “Chains”, she is after my own heart! Damn duel citizenships! If I had one, I would have been the Rob and Amber of Canada by now! But I digress.

10:20 “Rocky” was great! I really really liked her. Maybe my favorite of the whole competition. Oh damn she has a boyfriend. I can change that that. I great up watching Sami Brady. I’m just saying.

10:30 Paula and Simon are fighting. Someone let her cup get empty! Fill that cup!

10:35 When is the orgasming cowboy coming on!

10:40 Hey wait a minute Justin Timberlake, you are not allowed trying out! Get out, get out now.

10:46 I can’t believe people come back after not getting through, that takes guts! Buttercup, Buttercup! Come on, who hasn’t seen There’s something about Mary!

10:50 Have you noticed my entries keep getting shorter and shorter? Is this the longest episode ever!

10:55 Yes. Finally. The orgaziming cowboy! Finally. It was everything I had expected and worse. When I see these people, I always wonder what their apartments look like. What do you think it looks like? I picture clothes hangers all over the ground, open cans of spaghetti on the counter, oh and lots of mascara.

Anyway, the show is done, and I can’t complain, I’m exhausted and have 3rd degree burns from the lap top being on my lap for the past 2 hours! Night!

>Dear Howie Mandel:

First off, thanks for taking the time to read my letter. I know you are busy guy lately, what with you working upwards to three hours a week now. I’m sorry to start this letter off with such a harsh tone, but I’m not going to lie to you Howie, I’m upset. Quite upset actually. It was announced today that Deal or No Deal Canada has started filming. I don’t know if you remember but back when you were accepting applications I sent mine in. I spent many hours perfecting, crafting if you may, the perfect application. It was pleasant, without being boring. It was funny without being scary, and it was sappy without being overly dramatic. I did every thing right, but your producers came right through my city without even a phone call. To add insult to injury, you held the auditions for the succesful applicants at the location of my part time job! Come on Howie a little respect.

Well with filming finally on it’s way, its safe to say that I will not be a contestant on the special 5 day episodes of the wildly popular now-canadian game show. And really, its your loss. I would have been a great contestant. First off, there’d be no shaking of hands, I know your fear of germs, and I would respect that with a steller knuckle knock. It would have been cool. Secondly, I wouldn’t have brought up our obvious simalar hair styles, or lack there of. That’s obvious Howie, and we both know that neither of us like to be obvious in our sense of humor. Thirdly, I wouldn’t be one of those crazy Deal or No Deal contestants, that obsessed with Grease, or make you lie on the ground so the case they open would be low. I’m not crazy Howie. I’m not. I would have been fun, I may have even referenced Bobby’s World (which I watched well into my teenage years), we would have bantered about my family and talked about the East Coast. I would even made a joke along the lines of: “When I win, I’m taking a trip to St. Elsewhere.” It would have been gold. But you’ll never know that now. I will Howie. I will.

In closing, I wish you the best of luck on your Canadian adventures, you are certainly always welcome home. Not in my home mind you, but your own home. I’m sorry that we won’t get the chance to meet up, and please tell the Deal or No Deal girls I say hello. Oh by the way, my mom finds the girls involvement in the show racist. I’m pretty sure she means sexist, but you get the point. I’ve decided not to take this rejection too personally, I mean it just gives me more time to work my application for Bumper Stumpers.

Oh, and I would have picked case #15.

Thank You,

Mike

>Could this possibly be the best job ever? Where do you sign up for something like this, workopolis? monster? local job bank?

>Has anyone else noticed Desperate Housewives latest obession? CANADIANS! Thats right, check it out:

Where was Alma all these years? Winnipeg
Where did Ian have to take off too for a business meeting? Montreal
What kind of pizza was Tom making? Canadian Bacon!

Thanks for the shout outs Mark Cherry. Some day, when I have my own show, I’ll return the shout out!

>So tonight, my friends and I went to go see Pan’s Labrynth! We were so excited to go, we were there even there an hour early to ensure we get a good seat..or rather a seat at all because it’s been selling out all week!

The movie started off great, there was a great tone and of course the spanish was a huge highlight for me. And then….20 minutes later, the evacuation alarm went off and we had to leave. So i went to starbucks and had a latte.

Overall, well over the first 20 minutes, Pan Labrynth was really cool, I can’t wait to see how it ends!